(no subject)

Oct. 20th, 2017 02:10 pm
kittydesade: (disapproving hauser)
[personal profile] kittydesade
I discovered a new toy from Mary Robinette Kowal's twitter and a friend of mine: 4 The Words and I may never surface again. You fight things and get loot and do quests by writing. That's it. It's perfect. And it has a file save and rudimentary word process system so you don't have to worry about copying it over after (although I do, mostly). I've already written almost 2k worth of background for Jude. It's amazing. ETA: My referral code: QOQOY08535 and NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN.

Promptly following this adrenaline rush I had an unwelcome adrenaline rush of someone has already written this novel. Because literally on two major points, an upcoming YA trilogy was announced that's very very similar to Starlight and I just want to scream. I know it's not necessarily that much of an issue, especially if I don't read it until the second book is drafted and the first book is edited, but ... it hurts? If that makes any sense, it feels like I did all this work only for someone to get there first and better and more shiny and definitely with more publicity money behind and I just want to curl up and cry because all my work is useless anyway.

Which means instead I will do day jobligations, scream in private about the particulars to private friends, talk vaguely about my feelings in public so other people can know this is a common feel, and work on the writing projects in front of me because I know that comes from a place more of emotion than of reality and I know how to deal with it. Yes? ... yeah. It's not even that hard to refocus myself after the first bout of screaming. Being properly medicated, healthy, and not worrying (too much) about money helps a lot.

... What does not help is being so goddamn tired from packing for the fiber show and then now it turns out I need to contact my doctor to get my hormones (BC) refilled and I'm already PMSing something fierce and I kind of just want to burst out crying. At least I have a fair bit of lead time before I'm desperate for the pills but fucksake can't anything be easy or simple ever? I want a higher level adult to come take care of things until I feel rested. Or at least until I've slept 8-10 hours.

Well. I've gotten things done, things are mostly packed, I will come in tomorrow just to pack up the show yarn and then go home, the show is pretty much prepped for as much as it's going to be, and so work should be somewhat less fraught for a while. I hope. Which means energy to do all the other things at home and with writing, as they come up. Or not, since I think the next major deadline is just having things set up for Nanowrimo. Buuuut I do enjoy the writing stuff and to an extent even the cleaning stuff. SO, eh. Hopefully after the weekend and the Monday or Tuesday coming up I will have more energy, feel rested, etc etc, and maybe I won't sulk as much about needing to sleep 7-8 hours like an average person.

(I think what I need here is an icon of sulking.)

(no subject)

Oct. 19th, 2017 10:26 am
kittydesade: a bright red queen chess piece at the head of a diagonal line of white pawns on a white background (red queen running)
[personal profile] kittydesade
Well, that was a moment of ... irritation more than panic, but still. My Kindle wouldn't turn on for the longest time this morning, and it seemed to have a full charge so I wasn't sure what to do. I plugged it in finally and eventually it started waking up and noticing it was connected to a computer, so I'm guessing it was just at the end of its charge and hadn't flipped over to the 'Hi dumbass your battery dead' screen yet. Still, though. I am getting a damn Kindle for Christmas, I just have to figure out which one. Anyone have an opinion on the subject? I likely would only use it for reading books unless the Fire has amazing word processing capabilities. As far as I can tell though it's meant for output (video, audio, books) not input, which means I'd most likely be inclined to keep a Kindle for reading books and get a tablet for everything else at some nebulous later date.

Winter appears to have shown up giving us about a week of Fall? Maybe? And then just, winter. I exaggerate, but not by much. Yay climate change. I have tomato soup from Trader Joe's, I'm contemplating nice crockpot recipes for broccoli cheddar soup. And potato soup. Though to be fair I already have a recipe for Damn Fine Potato Soup and I just need potatoes and to make sure it crockpots well. (IIRC it does.)

I think I've hit the point where I need to decide, is it worth it getting only the minimum amount of sleep given both the stress of the current administration and winter, where I always need more sleep, or is it going to make me even less productive to stumble around tired not all the time but a good portion of the time. I spent a number of years only really needing 6 hours of sleep most of the year, and I deeply resent that that's no longer the case. But I think it's just going to be worse if I insist on only getting 6 hours and then it turns out I do need more and I'm just fucking tired and slow.

On the plus side I did finally wake up.

And then I made the mistake about complaining on Twitter that this influx of good horror makes me want to write horror but I don't know if I can write horror. My feed was instantly full of friends saying of course I could, which is good, but then someone said something that gave me an explosion of feral blood-eating plotbunnies, which is both better and worse. And now I have another novel to write. Novella? To sum up my current slate of things:

Long Road is in edits
Malachy is with the Editrix
Starlight has just finished getting second drafted
the second Lifestyles of the Modern Witch novel has a synopsis but will be drafted next year
Nerd Girls is waiting for me to finish with Long Road
Jude Against the Ghost Talkers is getting drafted next month.
I released Turing Shrugged on Kindle at the end of last month
White Noise is floating around somewhere with no projected release date

... So the next time I start freaking out about how I can't write fast or produce fast someone roll that list up and beat me with it.

Blergh. It's cold and I should put the gardens away, such as they were this year, and I don't think I wanna. Maybe I'll just do it over the course of the next week. And at some point I need to convince the boy to help me get the black plastic over the garden beds. Or just haul it on myself. Maybe I'll just haul it on myself tomorrow when I get home. Still cold. Still don't wanna.

(no subject)

Oct. 18th, 2017 09:38 pm
kittydesade: (and so good night)
[personal profile] kittydesade
Aargh so tired. I keep thinking okay, tomorrow will be quiet, but it keeps not happening and since till next Thursday or so is the run-up to SAFF it will keep not happening until next Thursday. And I am so damn tired. I'm surprised I managed to finish a scene in Starlight today and get my words done. There's some more on my Habitica to do for the day but I can't bring myself to go look at it yet.

On the plus side, Memrise being so much more usable on the app even than on the website means I can play with it for five minutes' worth of breathing room.

Mostly I'm just tired. I don't think I'm even dropping anything I have to do except I guess Long Road, which has no immediate deadline at least. I should be doing something else but I'm too brain dead now to think about it. No, what I should be doing is using Habitica to make lists of things as I think of them and then checking them off, that's what it's there for.

But right now I should be going to sleep.

(no subject)

Oct. 17th, 2017 05:49 pm
kittydesade: A series of arches centered, seemingly endless (endless doorways)
[personal profile] kittydesade
Looking at the texture of that cheese spread I think I overdid it on the cranberry goop. Oh darn. So I'll keep it chilled and when I go to the grocery in a few days I'll get more mascarpone and cream cheese and there will be more cheese ball dip thing. Still tastes pretty good though, upon dipping in a test cracker.

Blergh. I'm way behind on Inktober but not, apparently, behind on writing so much since right now I'm supposed to be prepping for Nanowrimo and working on Lifestyles synopses and Long Road. (Note to self: The thing you're looking for about tracing over existing maps? Is here. Which isn't the worst thing in the world. And then, obviously, finishing Starlight and Boon Doggie and maybe outlining The Fae After Tomorrow so I can get to work on it after I recover from Nano. That works as a plan for the rest of the month. I still don't know if I put up the schedule on Patreon but I guess it's a little late for that? Argh. Maybe not, there's only two patrons on that level.

We had a couple of days after we'd put the plants up of Mikey not throwing up but now he's back to throwing up roughly once every 24 hours again and ugh. I don't know. I'm a little worried. I'm a lot anxious but all his other signs are pretty good, the only other test we could run would be an ultrasound to see if something major is wrong. And otherwise it might just be an irritable digestive tract or something, but he won't bloody eat the food for sensitive kitty tummies. Well, he'll eat the dry food well enough, but definitely not the wet. I just don't know. Mikey why must you be so difficult.

(Mikey shrugs and scampers around the house yowling because his energy and every other function is fine, it's just this vomiting thing. Not hairballs and not bolting his food too fast, both of which he's done before but then we knew why.)

I feel a discontent in my head. Not sure why. I'm on time with my writing, the house isn't completely filthy and we're slowly figuring out all the longer term places to put things so half the mess isn't shuffling things from place to place. Work was quiet and not annoying. So what is this? Is this PMS? Current events? Which it bloody well could be. Impending dealing with the Healthcare Marketplace? (Oh god.) Feh. I blame Hamlet.

(no subject)

Oct. 16th, 2017 07:57 pm
kittydesade: (waiting for the night)
[personal profile] kittydesade
I was not so good over the weekend as far as housecleaning went, partly because exhausted? lazy? both? and partly because PMS was kicking my ass. But I did get some things picked up, my side of the media cabinet straightened (next up might be getting books put back and the pedestal thing moved into the office like we said we'd do so I can get the ladder up to the bookshelves proper) and dinner made when we were eating dinner instead of just scrounging, so I'll call that a net household win. No additional messes were made and left and some were cleaned up.

And! And I remembered to schedule two patreon posts upcoming, which is also a win since I haven't been regular about that at all up till hopefully now. And I managed to only get a little distracted by projects that are Not What I Should Be Working on (*cough Italian Renaissance families cough*) mainly because I found a scrap of paper with some information I needed to enter into a Scriv file on it.

Work kicked my ass today so writing happened considerably less than I wanted to but I got almost to the shooting part of the one scene, which may or may not even fit in anymore but I might as well write it as I outlined it in case some part of that still fits. Less editing and absolutely no note taking although I might do some reading before bed. Probably just silly language quizzes and physics videos.

I guess the plus side to all of this is I have the spaghetti sauce and the cranberry orange cheese spread made now, plus most of the ridiculousness at work today was dealt with in its entirety so I don't have to deal with it tomorrow. Which hopefully will mean I can get more writer work done! I am so close to finishing this novel and having the moment of if I didn't have to work a day job I would have this done by now. Sigh.

(To be fair even if I didn't have to work a day job today was eventful enough that I would probably have stayed all eight hours and been home and done cooking anyway. But still.)

(no subject)

Oct. 13th, 2017 10:24 am
kittydesade: A cup of tea sits on an open book with perhaps some poetry written in it and singing around the edges (books and cleverness)
[personal profile] kittydesade
Aaaand I'm back to marrying the boy for health insurance. Which isn't the worst thing ever except that it's only a solution for me, and not the millions of people who are about to be priced out of health insurance. But it's a stressor we didn't need considering that while I'll get better insurance that won't go away at the end of the year because an asshole is in the White House, it's still going to be more per month. I really, really hate that man.

I'm semi participating in the Twitter Boycott. Which is to say I'm taking advantage of possibly a lot of interesting people being off Twitter to not look at it for a while, regain my equilibrium or as much of it as I'm likely to get. Hopefully get work done. It's allegedly an ill-luck day, but in other places Tuesday the 13th is an ill-luck day so who the hell knows. What I know is that work at the start of the day is a more manageable, less chaotic load and so maybe I will actually get things done.

I'm tired. And sad. This country was doing so well. Getting better. And now, not at all so much. And I think the boy might have brought home stomach flu from work.

I did something not really stupid but kind of ridiculous and checked out a couple more books from the library on trains and westward expansion and the railroad companies, even though I'm technically not working on that now. I'm going to make my goal on this to read the two books that aren't Union Pacific and not take notes unless something jumps out at me, and then see if I want to buy them or if they're just going to clutter my shelf. The good part about Westward Expansion as a time period in US history, a zeitgeist, is that it's also full of precedent and possibility as far as historical fantasy fiction goes. Or even plain old historical mystery. So if I did buy the books eventually I wouldn't just use them for untold possibly unplaced Rochester stuff, I could use them for all kinds of things.

Look, I have a book buying habit when it comes to THIS IS A COOL THING I WISH TO LEARN ABOUT. Seriously. And I still really need those damn floor-ceiling bookshelves. Really the boy and I both do, our books are right now on either silly plastic rigs or falling apart flatpack bookshelves. In time, though. All in good time. First the office, which would be likely easier to paint and then put shelves up than the hall, which is fine at the front of the house but then there's the stairs and the 14'-16' drop and um. There would need to be extendable poles. A lot of using of them. .... Maybe we can paint just two walls and then the other one that has to be plastered over later...

I really, really want my office to be done okay? I have ideas, I've had plans for a while, but I still do not have my office.

Anyway. I am not going to class this weekend because of whatever this is churning my stomach and making me five kinds of uncomfortable, which means this weekend is going to be the weekend of sitting my ass down and doing nothing but reading for pleasure, reading and taking notes (also for pleasure), writing, and occasionally cleaning as the mood strikes and I get up all "THIS IS FILTHY I WILL CLEAN IT NOW." Probably this will also include clearing the bookshelf out in the office because good goddamn I have a bunch of things in there that I've had for almost ten years now and never actually touched. They need to go out of the house.

(no subject)

Oct. 12th, 2017 07:31 pm
kittydesade: (do not thump the book of g'qon)
[personal profile] kittydesade
I don't remember where I first heard the saying about plans not surviving their first engagement with the enemy (in most cases for us non-combatants the enemy being life, I guess) but boy howdy that has been my entire week. I have so many ideas and things to get through over the day and if nothing else at night and then work crises sap all my energy and by the time I get home dinner is cereal and a brownie and I'm collapsed on the couch watching Barnaby have periodic revelations at inconvenient times for his family.

I ended up doing a bit of stress shopping at the local bookstore, I didn't find a Leuchtturm notebook for Long Road but I did find a silk road book finally! I have no idea who the author is but they do have at least some reasonable source material in the bibliography and hopefully it'll be a jumping off point. And as far as the research books go it was actually one of the considerably less expensive ones, so I don't feel bad about it. There was also a kid there looking for a book on the history of the Russian revolution (presumably Bolshevik?) and if I'd been less tired I probably would have tried to help him. Ah well, they're good folks at the bookstore though, they should be fine.

I haven't finished the synopsis for Lifestyles book 2. I haven't finished Starlight although I'm apparently within five scenes of doing so at least for a draft. I know that's going to require extensive edits but at least the bones of it will be there. I haven't finished the back cover for the hard copy of Turing Shrugged. I haven't done any research reading. I don't want to do my languages. I just want to curl up with a nice fiction book and be asleep for twelve hours. Thank god it's almost the weekend. And that I don't have to do anything or be entertaining for anyone, I'd be terrible at it. I just have class, and then I can come home and be flat and clean and write and clean and what have you. I am very much looking forward to being flat for longer than eight hours or so.

But on the plus side my lungs do seem to be slowly recovering with medication both doctor prescribed and of the herbal supplement type, time, and exercise. Which might indicate that what they needed was gentle strengthening as well as rest and I wasn't sick at all.

(no subject)

Oct. 11th, 2017 12:10 pm
kittydesade: (lioness)
[personal profile] kittydesade
I give up I don't even know what's going on with my lungs. The boy said it's not likely I have walking pneumonia if I haven't been exposed to pneumonia (I guess it does not spontaneously develop out of cold symptoms? Not sure what the what.) and after the first couple weeks back from DragonCon I never really developed a bad cough as far as goo on my lungs went. I have been coughing up a little but it's usually two to three minutes of coughing a couple times a day. Not very clearly defined You're Sick Take The Day And Go Lie Down.

Weight/food talk among other health things )

I resent this whole asthma lungs no worky thing. I also am increasingly convinced that running whether for pleasure or as exercise is a myth. Surely humans don't actually run for more than an 8th of a mile without getting stabbed between the ribs by their inability to breathe.

Seriously, I've never been able to do this, I have no idea what it'd be like to be able to run. Y'all are as mysterious as unicorns to me. Maybe more so, unicorns I get. Running is IDEK.

Yesterday was the day of all the yarn, today is considerably more relaxed since most of it involves labeling and getting stock out on shelves or up in storage, which I like a lot better because I can take my time with it and not rush. And it's a capoeira day so I extra double plus not having to overwork myself. Physically. She added, looking at the pile of various writing-related things to read, research, write, post, write some more. Take notes on. Heh.

Okay no, first thing's first. Making a few lists of grouped things to do on Habitica, at some point I need to figure out how best to take notes on things, should I write them down in a notebook? Should I type them up on a computer? Should I write them down and then scan them into a computer so I have backups if I need to? In the event of that last one if I have reasonably good handwriting is there an OCR program I should look into? Actually that might be the best thing because I like having notebooks around but I also have a bad habit of leaving shit where it can get knocked over or water spilled on it, so. But that's a later problem, first is reading things and taking notes on things and getting all the other fiddly shit done. Deep breaths, self. Deep breaths. And remember you're going to be useless tonight after class.

(no subject)

Oct. 10th, 2017 10:52 am
kittydesade: Stippled light shining through curtains onto a couch or bed bracketed by white pillows. (hideaway)
[personal profile] kittydesade
So it turns out we are not going to have a guest over the weekend due to other people's shenanigans. Which is a slight relief because I seem to have learned my mother's A GUEST IS COMING OVER EVERYTHING MUST BE SPOTLESS reaction. But also kind of shitty for her because of, again, other people's shenanigans. I kind of want to shake people on her behalf from what little she's told me. Ugh.

So I guess we just end up cleaning the house slowly and steadily over the rest of the week, which is also fine since I was flat on Sunday instead of mopping like I meant. Put things away. I should finally get rid of the damn notebooks on the hutch by typing in the notes like I keep meaning to do and then not doing. I think it's nerves, they're notebooks from over eight years ago when I was in Ohio, unmedicated and undiagnosed but also probably either depressed or bipolar, definitely hypergraphic so they're going to look a bit of a horrorshow. But there might still be good ideas in there, so I'll give it a look. Slowly but steadily. And we can maybe get some yard work done and put the gardens to bed.

Not today though. It has been a Day. Somehow a buttload of wholesale orders went out along with some retail orders, all of it our house brand yarn, the stack of boxes is about a foot shorter than I am (okay two if you count the cart height) and that's a lot of poundage and dollar-age and I am goddamn tired. I need five naps and a pizza. I do actually have the pizza though.

I did manage to get the damn Jude novel started on Nano, though. Some back cover art done for Turing Shrugged so that can get finished up as soon as I rest my brain some and come up with back blurb. I'm hoping I have the energy once I get home and get some pizza in me to do some edits and churn some more text out from the last two stories I'm working on before Nano starts. I've just been so goddamn tired lately. And I can't tell anymore if that's because shit will not stop happening or because the asthma makes me tired or what. Or life. This country. Politics. The environment. All of it.

I can get this writing done tonight, that's what I can do. Remind everyone to take care of themselves at the end of the day, take care of myself, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Not obligated to complete the work, just do your part and don't turn away from it. Yes? Yes.

(no subject)

Oct. 9th, 2017 09:06 pm
kittydesade: (put some pants on)
[personal profile] kittydesade
Okay. Well. That was a weekend lost on Saturday to capoeira/work/wedding and then on Sunday to doing absolutely nothing because I spent 75% of it asleep and 25% of it flat. Or maybe take 10% of that out of there and use it for sleeping and showering and very occasionally putting things away. But still. I have so much resentment.

I did at least manage to get some stuff done on prepping for Nanowrimo as far as choosing a synopsis goes. Which is to say that I put it up for a Twitter vote and of course Twitter chose Labyrinth because why would the internet do otherwise. I got all? I think, all of my characters from the first story put into a Scrivener Wiki type document for future reference, including digging up some titles for Jude that they'd made up for her that I'd forgotten. Because now they'll be floating around out there.

I didn't get edits or other crap done that I wanted to because work was busy, and I'm tired of being tired and not having enough time in the day to do my writing work, ugh.

I'm also tired of worrying about Mikey. We did put all the plants up, admittedly only a day or two ago, but he's still vomiting so him eating the aloe and/or the amaryllis doesn't seem to have been the main cause? Unless it takes longer than a day or two for the toxins to stop making his stomach upset, I don't know. I should have put them up earlier but with all the cats and plants we've never had a problem with him eating them until recently when I caught him gnawing on an aloe. And I don't know what else it could even be, he's got a reasonable appetite, he's got the same amount of energy he's always had, he doesn't seem to be in pain. UGH.

Blegh, I don't know. I'm feeling rather discouraged about everything tonight, despite having gotten a fair bit done and things going not awfully. This probably means it's bedtime. Especially since I have some heavy lifting to do tomorow.

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